Right now, this very minute, my oldest son hates me. He started hating me about 2 hours ago. And, I’m certain he’ll continue to hate me for at least the rest of the day and probably tomorrow too.
And you know what? I love him even more for hating me.
It all started innocently enough this morning. A few of them were heading out to some mud-bogging thing that’s going on in the next town over. They had convinced one of the buddies to enter his truck into this competition where, I’m guessing, they have to traverse their way through water and mud and sledge and sludge and he who survives, well, is the winner.
They were all pretty pumped about it. And I was excited for them. Because it sounded like fun. Well, not my kind of fun, but certainly fun for a bunch of 16 and 17 year olds who are starting to make their way in the world. Figuring things out. Living a little more.
And while incredibly apprehensive at first, I also know that we’ve raised our kids pretty good. I trust that with everything we’ve instilled in them, despite what seems to be never ending evidence that none of it has sunk in, I’m certain that we gave them the tools to make good decision, be safe and sound.
So, I’m standing at the sink, doing up some dishes and I’m watching the guys pack up the truck. Gettin’ ready to do the “road trip!” thing and have a great day. And then I see one of the guys grab the cooler and take it to his car. Needless to say, some red flags immediately popped up. “Hhhmmm….wonder what’s going in there?” I asked myself. More than likely it was NOT Iced Tea or Lemonade! I patiently stood at the sink and watched. It wasn’t like I was spying…I was at the sink first!
I went out and gave my index fingering a wagging as I motioned for #1 to come inside the house. He looked at me, shook his head and reluctantly came inside. He sat down. He knew what was coming.
“What’s in the cooler?”
“Beer”
“Oh really? Do you think it’s a wise idea for you guys to take a cooler filled with beer to a public event?”
“Sure, why not?”
“Well, first off, none of you are over 18. Secondly, it’s considered open liquor. You can’t drink alcohol in a public venue like, and most importantly of all….someone has to drive home even if you were legal and you could drink there!! The place is going to be packed, the police are going to be there and there’s nothing more obvious than a bunch of guys with a cooler. You don’t really think they’ll believe it’s full of egg salad sandwiches and Diet Pepsi, do you?
As he hung his head and headed outside to break the bad news to the buds, I could hear the cursing under his breath. A tough thing for a 16 year old to do, break the bad news that the beer can’t go, his mom won’t let it.
With what seemed like an hour but was really only about 10 minutes, he came back into the house.
“We’re not going to drink it at the mud bogging, we’re heading to so and so’s house this afternoon and will drink it there.”
“#1…. You’re not getting it. I can’t let a group of 16 and 17 year olds leave my property with a cooler full of beer that they plan on drinking who knows where! I can’t.”
The conversation carried on for about another 5 minutes with him saying “But mom….” And me saying “It’s not going to happen.”
“Well, it’s not my beer so I can’t make the final decision” he stated as he made his way to the front door.
“#1….. you, or your friends, do not have permission to take that beer with you” I said. And turned and walked away.
A few minutes passed and I made my way back to the kitchen sink. After all, the dishes weren’t going to wash themselves! As I stood there, I watched #1 talk to the buddies. Then I saw him take the cooler out of the back of the truck and carry it over to the car. He opened the door and put the cooler on the front seat. Locked the door (I assumed anyway) and got in to leave. I stepped out on the deck and hollered “Be smart, be safe!” and was treated to a dirty look.
I wanted to smile and do the happy dance. But I couldn’t. I was still too busy running various scenarios through my head. I mean, you all know how my imagination works; it gets a little wonky and wild sometimes! I wouldn’t be able to fully experience any joy in the decision that was made until I made sure the cooler actually had beer in it. That one of the buds hadn’t stashed it under the seat of the truck.
I made my way out to the car and reached to open the door. It was locked. I figured it would be. A two door Cavalier, there was only one more chance to try and get in. I went around, reached the handled and pulled. It opened. Kids… so smart yet so not so smart! I hesitated before I opened the cooler, trying to decide if it was a good thing to do. In a manner of about 7.2 seconds, I lifted the cooler lid and saw that it was full. I breathed a big sigh of relief.
I didn’t smile right away. But I’m smiling now. Sort of. But with reservations. Did I cross the line of trust? Or was I just being smart? Should I have just known that the cooler was full and that they had listened? Or was I right in going to check?
I don’t know. I’m new to this parenting of teenagers! And as #1 gets older, I’m facing more and more decisions on just what is the right thing to do. It’s not that I don’t trust him. I do. I think I can even trust his friends. But it just seems that the envelope keeps getting pushed harder and further, every time I turn around.
And to think there’s another one right behind him….sheesh!
Ciao
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