Okay... so you're looking for an update

Judging from what the counter is telling me... people want to know!!!

You'll be pleased to know that I did not have an emotional breakdown.

I dealt with it pretty good as a matter of fact. The last day at work thing....

I think a lot of it had to do with the four months I spent waiting and thinking and getting over it while going through the emotional shit that would've no doubt paralyzed me had I had to do it only two weeks. I mean four months... that's a long time to mourn the loss of something that you're voluntarily losing.

It went well.

I only cried seven times... I am very very proud!!

I did decide that I needed to chronicle my last commute with pictures. And of course, I am sooo willing to share. Because to be quite honest with you, I am somewhat focused on the next phase of my life. You know, what to wear, how should I do my hair, full make up or the usual scaled back natural look... you know, the important things.

So here's Friday morning, the last commute.

The highway. Yes, plenty to see here... NOT. Snow covered and dark.

The side mirror being 100% annoying as the vehicle comes up to pass me. Don't get me wrong, I don't drive slow, it's just that some idiots drive faster than me.

Oh! It's you again.... this truck as ticked me off like you have no idea!! At least three mornings outta five it gets up on my back end, with the lights blinding me in the mirror... sheesh, I'm quite pleased that I won't have to deal with it anymore!

Ah yes... the old red light cameras. I think I drove past like four of them on my journey to the office. Won't miss those any more either.

Personally, I don't care for this underpass. Don't really care for any underpass to be quite honest. Particularly if there's a train going over it and I have to spend time under it.... Nope, me not likey.

This is the heart of the city. I've always liked heading in and seeing the famous intersection of Portage and Main. I think I will miss this view.

And I'm pretty sure I'm going to miss watching what this snow mound will develop into. We get some pretty good snow sculptures for our Festival du Voyageur... may need to take a trip in to check this one out...

Final destination right around the corner. There's my gym, which I shall miss dearly. And my Tim's. Which, you know, I never really frequented. It's only been there about a month. Awesome Onion Soup and they make a really good Cafe Mocha... real chocolate drizzle, not sprinkes!

And that!, my friends, is where I used to work. Second window from the right was my view.

I'll miss it. But tomorrow brings news hopes and new dreams!

Ciao!

You've Been Activated!

The strangest thing happened yesterday.

Due to the blizzrd that wasn't.... well, unless you live in the rural area such as I do whereby it was just a tad insane... I worked from home.

I called the office and let them know this and that they could reach me via phone or email. I would be logged in doing some of the stuff that needed to be done prior to my departure on Friday.

As I suspected, I got a lot accomplished without the interruptions that inevitably happen everyday. I was pleased. But, as I also knew would happen, the phone did ring. A lot.

Seventeen times as a matter of fact.

And thirteen of those times there was no one on the line when I picked it up.

Dead Air. The call display was showing that it was the same number every time. One of the office lines. And it kept up into the dinner hour and well into the night.

Which presented quite the dilemna come bedtime as I use my phone as a backup for my alarm clock. And considering the weather situation and the possibility of a power failure, well, the back up was required.

The phone log indicates that the last call came in at 11:17 pm. Almost seven hours after the office had closed.

SG tells me that it's the company's way of telling me that I shouldn't leave.

Me thinks he just paid too much attention to the movie we watched on the weekend.

But still, it was really weird.

Three days to go... it oughta be a rollercoaster in just about every aspect!

Ciao!

Snow Day

Please pardon the interruption of the previously published, rather emotionally charged "why the hell would you tell the world and post that" blog. But believe it or not, sometimes, not often, I run with the heart and not with the head. It happens rarely. But it does happen.

And it felt kinda good to write it out.

Alrighty then... back to the original intention of this blog.

I have pictures!!!! I know, it's been a while.... so here you go.

We had a snow day... and yes, we're having another snow day, and who knows, maybe even another one after the next one!!

There's no words that could possibly describe what is in this picture. No words.

That's the raindrop falling... very cool

The snow hangs heavy. Just ask me... I shovelled the deck and stairs and could barely lift it!

This is really cool...

So is this!

Oh, and this one too!

I thought it was neat looking that there were leaves from the tree laying on the snow.

So I'm out for a what will no doubt be an emotionally charged and incredibly challenging week.

But the end prize is right there in front me, and I can't wait!

Wish me luck!!

Ciao!

Breakdown

Who would've ever thought that the past week and a half could've been filled with so much emotion.

And while I know that the decision I made is the right decision for me, right now, and for my future, I'm still feeling regret.

Remorse.

Sorrow.

This was very apparent on Thursday when I shook hands and shared a hug with a co-worker from the branch office.

This was the last time I'd probably see the miserable old son of a ...

I got weepy. Had moisture form in my eyeballs. and had it spill over on to my cheeks.

Sheesh...

I have no idea what this Friday will bring.

No idea.

I can only hope that it isn't a full blown bawling coupled with rivers of tears that require a full box of tissue to wipe away.

I can only hope that it isn't as emotional as I think it may be.

I know I made the right decision. I know that what I've chosen was the best thing for me to choose. I know that it will all turn out right.

But I'm still going to miss what it is that I'm leaving.

And I'm really going to miss what it is that I'm losing.

Shit.

How to talk to your kid

Or wait, better yet, how to get your kid to talk to you.

It's become quite evident lately that the only opportunity I have to find out what #1 is up to is via text messaging. He and I keep fairly different hours whereby I leave for work and he's still sleeping. I get home and he's usually come and gone again. Or still gone. When he gets home, I'm usually in bed. Between working and the school stuff and the "insert name of female friend here" time, it seems like I never get to see him anymore.

I try phoning him. He doesn't answer. Which really ticks me off I may add. One of the reasons I signed him up for a cell is that so I could be in touch with him. And I phone and he never answers.

So, I asked for the phone back. He apparently wasn't using it like I thought he should and therefore he didn't need it. He promised me he would answer when I called. If he could. I put the promise to the test and sure enough he was answering my calls. I'll admit it, I'd phone him just to see if he would answer. I know, never mind...

But then, I'd call and I'd go directly to voicemail. Then came the lecture about keeping his phone charged. Because, when asked why his phone was going directly to voicemail, according to him, "it was dead"... Sure, sure. I'm fairly certain either the thing was turned off or that "ignore" buttom immediately shuts the whole process down...

So, it was apparent that I'd have to do the text message thing. Because, as we all know, kids don't use phones for talking, they use them for typing. Thank goodness I have a "qwerty" phone because I seriously don't believe that I would've ever figured out that other way they type the words in that they send over the telephone. I don't even know what its called to tell you the truth. But, text messaging wasn't getting me any further in the game of staying in touch with my kid either. Aware that I only have 140 characters, and well, I tend to get a little verbose in my messaging, I was filling his mailbox up with conversations and lectures and questions and stuff. Stuff that I was getting one word answers to. Let me re-phrase that... one letter answers... No conversations. No insight. Just "k". Or "y". Occasionally I'd get a "kk" which I assume means, in actual conversation speak "OKAY!! I SAID I WOULD!!!!". But I can't be sure.

But I think I've figured out how to get him to talk to me. I mean, text me.

I no longer send him messages. I wait for him to send to me. Let me tell you, a few days with no texts from his mom and he starts sending me messages. Sure, they may be nothing more than "hey" or "how r u" but at least he's sending them to me. And I know he still has use of his thumbs. Which is a good thing if you get what I mean.

I received a text from him early this afternoon. "Hey, my phone died last night and its charged now."

To which I replied "k".

Not 30 seconds later, and I really mean that, the crickets start singing and it's another text message. "I'm at "insert name of female friend here" still. Went to Avatar last nite it was great" And, before you go off on me about him spending the night at, well, never mind.... we're not discussing that right now.

Where was I.... oh yeah, to which I replied "kk".

Almost instantaneously the crickets sang again...

"Why are u texting only letters?"

"driving" was my reply.

"2 where" came back within 10 seconds.

Not wanting to further compromise myself behind the wheel, and I didn't think the conversation was worth it either, I didn't respond. And BOOM!! another message "2 where??" I started to giggle.

As I pulled in the driveway he hit me one more time "where are you driving 2" to which I replied "home". "where were u?" was what he came back with.

I ignored it. If he wanted to know what was going on he could pick up the damn cell phone and call me.

This blog has been brought to you by the letter "K".

Ciao!

No Idea for a Title...

It was a sad day yesterday.

And not just for me.

If you must know, I've written this blog post quite a few times. In my head, on the computer, chicken scratch notes all over the place. It's been funny. It's been rough and caustic. It's been "state the facts ma'am, nothing but the facts". It's been sad, yet tinged with humour. It's been all over the place.

Now that it's time to sit down and write it and actually post the freakin' thing, I've lost it. Haven't a clue what to write. Not a stinking thought about how I should tell you the story.

Have you ever been in a situation where you know that what you're doing, or about to do, is the absolute right thing?

Everything tells you that it is. Your mind. Your logic. Your heart. And most importantly... Your Gut. You just know that, even, if by some slight chance, your mind is doubting and your heart is hurting and logically there's a part of you that's saying "uhmmmm I don't know about this..." and your gut just keeps telling everything else to "Shut. Up. this is the way it's going to be, this is the way it should be, this is the way it has to be" that you'll always listen to Your Gut.

Well, at least I do.

I quit my job.

After damn near 12 years, I just up and quit. Gave my notice and I'm getting the hell outta dodge... No more commuting 2 or more hours a day for this chick. No way. Not going to happen! I'm gonna grab those two hours, and then some, and spend some quality time outside of my Maggie. Not that I don't like Maggie... I just feel like my ass is liking Maggie a little too much. See my kids a little more (I know, I'm nuts), spend a little more time with SG (again, the nuts thing is noted), have a little more me time.

But don't think that I've completely lost my nutter.

I do have a new job that I'll be starting. It took a long time to get the start date, but I've known about it for quite some time. Like since last September....

But there was background work that needed to be done. They needed to check me out to the n-th degree to make sure I was who I said I was. Is what I said I is. Am what I said I am. Safe to assume that all went well because they called and said "when can you to start?"

I told them February 1st.

It'll be an 8 hour day, not 8 1/2. It'll be turn left out of the driveway instead of right. It'll be 12 minutes, door to door. Twenty two kilometres round trip.

It'll be soooo nice. And I think it will take me about 3.2 days to get used to it. I adapt well, I know.

It'll be tough. Really tough. As in brain busting tough. But that's okay. Because I'm tough. And evidently, I'm smart. I've got what it takes to learn this, to do this and to be successful at it.

So it ends. Nearly four months after accepting and signing the offer of employment, of patiently waiting and wondering, it's over. Not a strong point with me, the patience thing. To tell you the truth, up until this experience, I had very little. Just ask my kids.... But now it's done. I'm changing careers. I'm heading into a new adventure with a huge learning curve that will no doubt do its best to try and kill me. But I will survive.

And I will do it well.

Because that's just what I do, that's the way I am.

Ciao!

Good Morning

I don't know, I might be weird, but this is absolutely gorgeous!

I take a lot of pictures of the sun rising. I think its because I'm just really happy to see the darn thing come up. I mean really, that we can see the sunrise is a good thing, right? Think about it, you'll get what I'm saying.

Anyway, that was the view from the front deck this morning. As I was standing out there, freezing my arse off because, as we all know, it's brutally cold here in the middle of Canada these days. But what should we expect? It's January for crying out loud.

I will tell you that when I go out to get some fresh air I now take my phone and my keys. Even though I'm just standing on the front deck. This is a result from the other morning, Wednesday I think it was when I found myself locked out.

With only my coat and slippers on.

You see, I let the dogs out when I get up in the morning. Because if I don't, they get a little rowdy and barky and stuff. Not to mention they really need to go do their business! Some mornings, when the weather decides to be somewhat tolerable, I will bundle up and we'll all go for a stroll in the back. Gives them a chance to get their blood moving and me a chance to get in some cardio. And yes, I said cardio. You try walking through deep snow with big old snow boots on, three layers of clothing, a big heavy coat... yes, you get some cardio going! We'll go for a walk and they'll run and play and fight and do their business and then we'll come back in. Sets us all up for a nice day.

Anyway, I'm off track here. Oh yes, locked out.... it's been cold so we haven't been partaking in our morning stroll. I've just been letting them out and they go and do their thing and then I beg them to come back in. Seriously. I have to beg them. I have to get two of their dishes, put some kibble in one and then stand out on the deck and pour the kibble from one dish to the other so it makes a "kibble being poured from one dish into another" kind of noise and they come running in. Works well. If they come right away, they get the kibble. If they don't, I have to get my winter wear on and actually go off the deck and get them.

The other morning, Wednesday it was, three of the four came in. And, I'm not naming names here, but that one little girl who seems to think she's a little princess.... was not coming into the house for anything. So I tossed my coat on and headed out to try and get her in the house.

Now, when you leave three of the four dogs in the house and you're outside, they get a little jumpy on my front door. This drives me crazy. However, they seem to think that they need to look out the window to see just what it is you're doing. And no sooner did the door close did one of them jump up. I'm not naming names here but that little beansie... she's a jumper! As I moved towards the stairs to try and get the other dog interested in coming inside I hear jump... jump.... scratch... jump... and then, what sounded to me like a clicky type noise.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, because it was a tad cold ... I was shivering... but I'm sure was only about a minute and half, the dog came up, ready to go back into the house.

As I opened the door, it didn't move. I pushed a little harder. Still, not opening. While trying to not let panic set in, I stood back and thought "what the hell?" I tried again to open the door but it definately was not going to open.

I was locked out. At 5:00 am. With only my coat and slippers on. Great.... just great.

Running various scenarios through my head as to just what kind of reaction I would get if I woke SG up to let me back in, I figured there had to be a better alternative. A couple of minutes passed and I can feel my ankles starting to numb over. I needed to make a decision. Wait! maybe the back door is unlocked... did I let the dogs out the backdoor first? Okay, go see.

Off the deck I went, through the freshly fallen snow, in my slippers to work my way to the back of the house. I nearly took a header as I navigated my way up the stairs (slippers don't have too much traction in case you were wondering) and found myself chanting "please open please open please open please open" as I reached for the handle.

And yes!! The door opened. I was back inside. Where it was warm.

I really have no stellar way of ending this story, so I'll leave it there. All I know is that my keys are now in my pocket, rather than my purse, at all times!!

Ciao!

Red Mittens, Road Rage, And

Other miscellaneous banter.

Oh, and I have a pair in case you were wondering. Red Mittens that is. Sure, they don't have the Olympic logo on them, but I know someone that could do that for me if I wanted....

I also have issues with what they call Road Rage. A strange feeling for me. Normally I'm a relatively calm driver who, you know, takes the fact that the road is riddled with complete and total idiots, into consideration whilst traversing her way, oh.... about an hour and 50 minutes a day. I know that I will encounter those that have no clue what they're doing and really shouldn't be behind the wheel. I also know that there are those out there who have some sort of complex about something or other in their life.... I mean, why else would they have to drive some big ass truck or other kind of huge vehicle, unless they were inferior in some other aspect... just sayin'....

For the most part, I deal well with this crap during my travels. I recognize that these idiots are out there and I know that they are, potentially, well, assholes. I say "potentially" because, far be it for me to paint everyone who drives a big ass truck an asshole. They all might be, but I'm not going to be the one who tells the world that!

And ... I just take it in stride and do my best to stay the hell out of their way.

But, sometimes I do get the feeling that they want to bully people. Yes, you read right... They want to BULLY people!!! I'm thinking, that they're thinking, that, since they're the biggest one on the road, they should rule it. Cut you off. Ride your back end in an attempt to try and make you go faster. Shine their mis-alligned headlights in your mirror and flash the brights every now and then, you know, just trying to get you to get out of their way.

Someone should tell them about Maggie.

She don't move for anyone! And she will not be intimidated! Oh, and by the way, she also possesses a manual transmisson. And, in case you were wondering, her driver knows how to downshift in such a way that you will never, ever! see her brake lights come on and therefore YOU! will be the one who gets a little freaked out when you figure out you and your big ass truck might just take out a hot looking Mazda.... just sayin'....

Let's see... What else did I want to go on about???

Oh yeah, teenagers.... particularly the second teenager....I always thought that he would be my tough one... and he's proving me right. Mother's intuition I'm guessing. The first one, rough coming into the world.. the second, a piece of cake. Now ... yeah, not so much. I'm experiencing role reversal!

I am also having some issues with the lack of #1's presence in my life. This new found thing he's got going on since "insert name of female friend here" has come into his life really has me in a bit of a tailspin. Well, not tailspin per se but.... well, but, well, nevermind.... that's another post.

That's enough for this post. Don't want to use it all up in one shot!

But there's plenty more to come! Oh yeah... plenty more!

Stay tuned!

Ciao!!

So far, so good

It's the 2nd... and it's almost over.

I'm pleased to say, that I've pretty well accomplished nothing. Which was exactly my plan for the first few days of this year they're calling 2010.

In keeping with my resolve to do nothing, my creative juices have been turned off.

I did, however, manage to unload the camera. And, because I started this post with nothing in mind, I'm going to share some of them with you. Nice of me, I know....


This was the scene on a downtown street one morning, a couple of days before Christmas. #2 indicated that, because of the way the trees looked, he felt we could now commence with Christmas.

We headed out to the bush this year to cut our tree. And while we saw, on our drive out, many a pretty tree, we were fairly certain that the owners of the yards we saw them in would not appreciate us cutting them down.

The Christmas Eve munch out... after the hustle and bustle of the days previous, it was nice to sit and nibble. I'm aware the shrimp ring is less than impressive, but it was the first thing to disappear, which just goes to show you... bigger is not always better.

Oh technology, it truly is a wonderful thing. I got in a little face time with the family on the west coast on Christmas day.

The tree, adorned in all its glory. The boughs were laden with decorations, many of which were all the ones the boys had made at school.

Oh look, a few gifts magically appear! I'm guessin' someone must've made it on to Santa's nice list!

The stockings are normally hung on the railing with care... but Ms Claus was very tired and apparently had issues with finding the string...

Got out to play in the yard after the snow finally came and made the season a white one. We then proceeded to shovel and shovel and, well, you get the point.

The homemade centerpiece for the Boxing Day gathering. Rather than make gingerbread, the sleigh and reindeer (yes, there are reindeer pulling the sled!) are hand cut out of Cream Cheese Cookie dough, glued together with Royal Icing and then bombarded with candies.

Full moon, December 31, 2009. They called it the "blue moon" and it was truly amazing. It was so light out and the snow did actually look blue.


And here it is on January 1, 2010 heading towards the horizon in the morning.

Turn around and you got this beautiful eye full as the sun rose on the first day of this year they're calling 2010.

So there you have it. The first post of the new year. I'll be back with more in a few days. And maybe, just maybe, something with a little more substance.

Ciao!